Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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