i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
