Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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