Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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