I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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