god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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