My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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