you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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