I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
