Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
