Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
