Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
