Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
