I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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