Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
