Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
