it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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