I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
