a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
