He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
