I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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