Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
a search helicopter?!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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