If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are my feet made of real feet?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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Do I have a choice?
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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