i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
