no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
