I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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