(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
