Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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