ugly people sure do ruin things
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
