Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
