did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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