I think i peed on brittanys purse
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
