If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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