She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
