Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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