Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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