Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
