I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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