The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
