why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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