OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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