we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
