I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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