How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
