then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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