that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
