i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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