I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
