Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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