marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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