Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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