we're blogging at a bar
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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