i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
