You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
