Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
