My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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