I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
