its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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