I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
