I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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