went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
