i think my tv is drunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
