Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
