I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
