the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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