I didn't shave. On purpose
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
