I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
