she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize